New Support for Haltom's Third Law

Andrew Sullivan at his blog [http://andrewsullivan.thedailybeast.com/2012/04/license-behave-badly.html] recalls Haltom's 3rd Law: "No one who professes ethics has any."

Here is what Dr. Sullivan published on 4 April 2012:

Eric Schwitzgebel ponders studies suggesting that professional ethicists behave about as morally as people who aren't paid to think about morality:

[W]e might consider some countervailing forces. One possibility is that there's some kind of "moral licensing" effect. Suppose, for example, that a consequentialist donates a wad to charity. Maybe then she feels free to behave worse in other ways than she otherwise would have. Suppose a Kantian remains rigorously honest at some substantial cost to his welfare. Maybe then he feels freer to be a jerk to his students. One depressing thought is that all this cancels out: Our efforts to live by our ethical principles exert sufficient psychic costs that we compensate by acting worse in other ways, only moving around the lump under the rug.

This entry seems to me to track my third law [Rump Parliament, 20 January 2008] and a discussion from this blog dated 24 December 2009 ["Up Is Down"].

You Can Judge a Book by its Cover

On Being Presidential:

A Guide for College and

University Leaders

Susan Resneck Pierce

Ha Ha Ha

Really?

Ha Ha Ha Ha

Seriously?

Pub-

lished

by

The

Onion?

If you do not recoil from the injustices and insincerity, the juxtaposition of that title and that name is pants-shittingly hilarious.

Collegiality, Civility, Cooperation, Collaboration

Can you believe that some faculty have long regarded calls for collegiality and cooperation as clumsy attempts to induce faculty to conform or to acquiesce?

At a plenary meeting of the faculty on 15 November 2011, the President of the University of Puget Sound explicitly replaced his "normal presidential report" with extended remarks in favor of cooperation, collaboration, and civility. He opened with some sententious smarm, counseled faculty on the merits of the only two major items on the agenda of that meeting, chastised leaders of the faculty for supposed breaches of ethics as well as of decorum, and closed with a call for administrators, staff, and faculty to work together.

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I shall not comment on the sententious smarm or the call to work together except to write "Gack!"

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I pass by the parliamentary impropriety of the presiding officer's delivering a screed in place of the report authorized on the agenda and staking out positions on motions without surrendering the gavel for the duration of discussions of those motions.

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Instead, I call attention to the incongruity of chastising two or more faculty and defaming one or more faculty before a meeting of faculty while extolling the virtues of collegiality, civility, and community. How civil! How civil?

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The president denounced as an ethical breach the distribution among Puget Sound faculty of some information that was property of others. He stated that he and another administrator would have to apologize to their counterparts at the other university for this ethical breach. I did not understand why Puget Sound administrators would apologize for an ethical breach by faculty at the other school, and I did not see that any release of a leak from the other school was a breach of ethics or etiquette on the part of Puget Sound faculty.

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What I did understand was that the president should not have accused any faculty of (mis)deeds in front of colleagues. To do so violated parliamentary procedure, Political Science 101, and professionalism. Worse, defamation clashed with an ostensible thesis of the president's remarks. The president decried divisive rhetoric by denouncing one or more leaders of his own faculty? And is Professor Kettle also blackened, President Pot?

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Matters got worse when faculty and administrators learned soon after the 15 November meeting that the information was not or no longer proprietary. That development made it apparent that the president had denounced one or more Puget Sound faculty for an ethical breach that was not a breach even for the faculty from the other university.

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At the meeting of the faculty on 7 February 2012 the president said not one word about his own violations of civility, propriety, or collegiality. He did not own up to his mistakes. He did not retract his attributions of unethical conduct.

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Why do so many veteran faculty regard calls for civil discourse to be one-way and top-down? That is, the calls are top-down; the expected civility, by contrast. is bottom-up.

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Why have I said for years that at Puget Sound the difference between civility and servility cannot be measured with existing technology?

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Can anyone here play this game?

The Starr Chamber

Five years or eight years and counting, the Starr Chamber stands as the worst committee of my time at Puget Sound.

Veterans of "Rump Parliament" must have wondered where my annual denunciation of the Professional Standards Committee [PSC] of 2003-2004 was. Never fear; it is here. Newbies who have stumbled across this blog may wonder about my recalling a committee eight years or five years -- depending on what and how one counts -- after its last malfeasance. Please find my entries in this blog for 6 February and 5 February 2011, 9 February 2010, or 11 February 2009 to catch up on the missteps of miscreant colleagues. The "St. Valentine's Day Massacre" of 2007, on which day at least five erstwhile members of the Starr Chamber disgraced themselves, is especially rewarding to read.

New or old readers should pay close attention to those old entries, for only three of the eight malefactors have left the University of Puget Sound. That leaves five fuck-ups colleagues who should not be trusted to make sensible or fair decisions.

As you read those old posts, please recall that a former Chair of the Faculty Senate called the Professional Standards Committee "the Star Chamber" long before I did. I added the extra "r" to the mocking to recall Judge Kenneth Starr, who exhibited similar fairness, objectivity, and sense in Javerrting President Clinton.

And to the five, if any of them read my blog: I have not forgotten who you were or what you did. I also have not forgotten that I volunteered to one of you more than eight years ago to argue the nonfeasance and malfeasance of the PSC before the self-same PSC. Yes, the prisoners in the dock and the jury in the box would have been the same eight persons. So confident was I that the errors committed by the PSC violated either The Faculty Code or commonsense fairness or both that I was willing to let the PSC adjudicate. My sucker bet generous challenge was not accepted. I wonder why.

I hope the members of recent Academic Standards Committees do not despair. [See "Rump Parliament" 7 December 2010 for a summary.] Those committees were every bit as wanton as the Starr Chamber, but there was far less at stake.

If anyone would like to learn more about how low colleagues can go, please stand me to martinis at Primo Grill.

Opportunity Costs Knock

Charging the School of Education for offices is a good first step;

however, we can pick up the pace.

.............

Upon learning that some creative accountant was dunning the School of Education for square feet assigned to faculty offices, many colleagues were

briefly awakened from their campus comas

as affronted as they were taken aback. These colleagues err. Accountants and the administrators who direct them reveal to the university a cunning conceit tantalizing opportunity.

Opportunity is knocking in the form of charging for opportunity costs, so don't knock opportunity costs or Ebeneezer Scrooge’s demeanor beforehand. Embrace the horror opportunity costs. Opportunity costs are ways in which to screw over our friends.

No more than a A moment's reflection will suggest the genius behind assigning opportunity costs to the Ed School to make the Ed School seem less profitable, hence more harvestable to suit the economic well-being of the remainder of the campus, and costlier. Administrators and accountants concoct wholly fictitious recognize hitherto unsuspected debits that they then assign to targeted unitsof what more than once has been called a community. [Of course, calling a corporate entity a community does not make a corporate entity a community. Indeed, that one must invoke the meme signals that one knows that little or no actual community exists.]

Crass as it is, the This accounting fantasy practice does not go far enough. We are missing opportunities! Let’s get to it!

First, let us consider opportunities to

imperil inform

every department, program, school, and unit:

1. For example, why settle for two-dimensional opportunity when three-dimensional opportunities lie about like full professors? Every member of the faculty and staff should be debited for cubic space assigned to him or her. If I were paying to the ceiling tiles, I’d use at least seven vertical feet of my office. Let’s give me some incentives to maximize productivity. Whether I move in suspended work stations or not, my department should be billed as if spammers and telemarketers were working in the lofts.

2. And what of my office phone? While I am bloviating captive audiences in lecturing my classes, a telemarketer could be turning my office telephone to profit. Bill me for the revenues I deliberately forego by leaving my office fallow when I leave my office! If I do not pay up, bill my department.

3. Most faculty get to their offices after 9:00 7:00 a.m. and leave before 4:006:00 p.m. Some faculty do not visit their offices at all from Friday through the ensuing Monday inclusive. Assign departments the revenue that they could make from subletting offices when faculty are not occupying them. Indeed, departments should encourage all members to secure carrels in Collins Library so that faculty offices may be sublet 24/7.

4. Harned/Thompson faculty must keep their laboratories active. Charge science departments for times during which labs are not used. Apply a rate commensurate with a meth comparable labs.

5. Whether departments are soliciting kickbacks for grades and honors or not, departments should be billed at a standard rate for grades above C and for anything that ends “cum laude.” Departments should auction grades and honors to instruct undergraduates in the glories of the free market.

6. Naturally, the newer the building the higher the room rate should be. Denizens of McIntyre cannot be expected to pony up at the same rate as those who work in newer facilities, even shoddier facilities like Wyatt Hall. Charge departments for all upgrades and improvements.

With the above and other charges, each unit of the university may be driven to bankruptcy on paper disciplined by fiscal realities. Then administrators and accountants may shed any units they do not care for quietly, civilly update various university subdivisions. Garnish some wages for noisy faculty and those Most faculty will go quietly for dimes on the dollar doubtless appreciate and profit from the information.

Loopy Transparency or Transparent Loopiness?

Administrators claim to value transparency but practice it in a loopy manner.

¶ In a Rump Parliament post on 27 June 2011 ["Faculty Meetings, Administrators, & Deliberation"] I opined that expecting transparency from faculty meetings was contrary to my experience at the University of Puget Clowns. Last June a memorandum regarding faculty meetings had suggested that faculty would not feel "out of the loop" and would be "in the know" if faculty attended faculty meetings and read memoranda in which decision-makers made their decisions and decision-making transparent. I derided this communique as a transparent, loopy excuse for blindsiding faculty on tuition benefits for dependents. http://rumpparliament.blogspot.com/2011/06/faculty-meetings-administrators.html

¶ As the plenary meeting of the faculty on 20 September 2011 begins to unravel, faculty must ask themselves anew whether faculty meetings harm mental health. One who attends faculty meetings exposes herself or himself to transparent loops that entangle the mind by weaving webs of facts and folderol.

¶ On 20 September faculty were regaled regarding the School of Education. That report contained some numbers about an alleged shortfall in profits from the Ed School. The Faculty Governance Forum has since exposed the numbers as tendentious accounting at best. We'll see if administrators favor faculty with more suspect "data" at next week's faculty meeting. Probably the administrators will rely on faculty obliviousness and inattention to let the matter drop from awareness. We'll see.

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¶ What we see already is that the transparency about which faculty read in June will be iffy. Maybe administrators are eager to keep faculty "in the loop," as the 6-27 memorandum suggested, but maybe the faculty's feeling "out of the loop" had far less to do with non-attendance at faculty meeting than it had to do with the nature or quality of information provided faculty in faculty meetings and inmemoranda. Maybe administrators who have often been far from open have changed their ways, but maybe professions of transparency are the latest camouflage.

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¶ And maybe the numbers to which faculty were exposed on 9-20 will turn out to be misleading. The Faculty Governance Forum recently featured the information that the School of Education is debited for the square feet of their offices. What other creative cost-accounting does the Jones Hall practice? For how long has the university charged which departments at what rates for office-space?

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¶ This tactical accounting seems consistent with a tactic used when earlier administrators were trying to eliminate Occupational and Physical Therapy. The strategy then was to isolate OT/PT as an entity that lost money. When I asked the dean and the president why OT/PT was measured in such a manner yet various departments outside OT/PT were not, I was told that the trustees had decided to count in such a manner. A circular argument circles the wagons and keeps me "in the loop." That is how the university has often practiced transparency.

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¶ I did not expect transparency. I expected loop-the-loop. I expect more loopiness to follow. So perhaps the call for greater attendance at faculty meetings was more than the excuse for which I took it in June. Was it as well precondition for misleading the faculty? After all, what is the point of a magic show without an audience? Why, that would be like a confidence game without marks!

¶

Neglected Beauty of the Obvious

My favorite remark from the first two weeks of Fall 2011: “I have not done anything on my research for weeks. You know, this is a pretty easy gig if all you're doing is teaching.”

For many colleagues who have not soiled their hands or minds with research or ― Gasp! ― publishing, this report is belated but welcome. Still another colleague has figured out the scam worked by so many faculty at so many schools that pretend to value the pursuit of knowledge. Indeed, our colleague need take but one more step to enhance her or his retirement in place. She or he must complain daily about having too little time for research.

The clowns who most often bewail the time that teaching and service and other duties divert them from their windpath-breaking research almost always do no research, almost never produce research, and would not know peer-review if they ever were asked to do it.

You cannot aptly say that these clowns long ago retired in place, for retirement implies something from which to retire or some shift from more to less activity. Many clowns have not since their dissertations had a research program to halt.

Truly impressive are clowns who, bereft of research programs and accomplishments, use research to justify their piling into the three- or four-day-weekend clown-car. These clowns need an exclusively Tuesday-Thursday schedule or a Monday-Thursday schedule so that they can secure another day with which to pursue the work that they never get done or started. Now that is a cushy berth!

So, beloved colleague, aim high. Get a Lantz to pursue an imaginary project. Secure the designation “Distinguished Professor” despite your having published no peer-reviewed research in the last five or ten years. Become a low-level administrator and lament its stunting of your research.

The University of Puget Clowns affords faculty many opportunities for leisure and lassitude.

This is a very easy job when you're not doing much of it.

It is an even easier job when you aren't doing any of it. The colleagues whose service is grudging and desultory and whose teaching is at best a rumor truly have easy gigs. Who are these colleagues? Listen for those who trumpet most their service or teaching. Those who are advertising most are producing least.