With Apologies to Johnny Mandel

To the tune of Johnny Mandel's "Suicide Is Painless," the theme to M*A*S*H


Through academic fog I see
What this place has done to me.
The frauds and fakes I cannot flee
I realize; how can it be

That menticide is painless
And nothing ever changes
Yet I can take or leave it if I please?

I tried to find a way to make
Our governance a bit less fake,
But now I know I'll never slake
The thirst of poseurs on the make.

But menticide is painless,
And nothing ever changes,
So I can take or leave it as I please.

To tell the truth will never pay
Where liars tend to rule the fray.
So as I while away the day
This is what I try to say:

Hey! Menticide is painless,
And nothing ever changes,
And I can take or leave this if I please.

The only way to win is cheat
Or fabricate your every feat.
So let another have my seat.
I'll pound a very diff'rent beat.

Though menticide is painless,
It brings on many changes,
and I don't care to live amid the sleaze.

Able was I ere I saw
Each blemish and each morbid flaw,
And though it all sticks in my craw,
When things get heinous I guffaw

That menticide is painless;
It brings on many changes;
And I don't care to live amid the sleaze.

So if you come to question me
About some issue you think key,
I'll talk about my standard fee:
Rebuke for your naivete.

'Cause menticide is painless,
it brings on many changes ,
and I don't care to revel in the sleaze.
But you go on without me, if you please.