From time to time one learns from local "mass" media what title a colleague has provided reporters or editors. It could sadden us that colleagues concoct ties to departments that do not exist at the University of Puget Sound, just as we feel sorry for colleagues who mistake a designation from the Faculty Advancement Committee for genuine distinction or who wear their Phi Beta Kappa keys too often [or, in my view, ever].
Instead, let us all enjoy this pretense. Shall I lead off?
First, I steal from "The Flim-Flam Man" for my title. [Nyuk!] Mordecai Jones awarded himself the designation "M.B.S.C.S.D.D -- Master of Backstabbing, Cork-Screwing, and Dirty-Dealing." Isn't every political scientist at least a student of chicanery, perfidy, double-talk, and shucking? True, I am not a humanist and so not entitled to call myself a distinguished professor of posing and pretending. Still, might I play one in the media or on campus?
I teach "Law and Society" every year, so I suppose I am Professor of Law at the University of Puget Sound. Since we sold our law school, I guess I am the final remaining professor of law at the University of Puget Sound. Does that make me "The Last Standing Professor of Law" despite my having spent not even a minute in law school? Quite the accomplishment! What about the colleagues who hold a J. D.? Can they be professors of law or law and ethics or social control or normative studies irrespective of the University's not having such departments?
I teach "Public Opinion" every other year. Dare I relabel myself "The Commata Gallup Professor of Occasional Polling and Perpetual Trolling" to follow the lead of my colleagues?
I also teach "Constitutional Law" every year. Does that justify "Professor of Inconsequent, Intermittent, and Over-Hyped Barratry and Litigiousness in Lieu of Rational Governance" perhaps?
How about my introduction to U. S. politicking and governing? May I please claim to be a proctologist?
