I showed up early, so I enjoyed the silence and solitude. I pondered fundamental questions such as "Is Schneebeck not air-conditioned or is the air-conditioning inadequate?"
My luck could not last. Shortly before the scheduled start staff were forced into Schneebeck Sweatbox. Shortly after the scheduled start faculty wandered in. Faculty who most penalize tardiness trickled in last.
Who chose "Mission Impossible" to be playing as Ron Thom ascended the stage? [I am not kidding!]
"It's great to see you all back," President Thomas claimed, looking at staff and faculty fronts. "I always look forward to this conversation," he added. Before it happened, he'd have to look forward, wouldn't he?
President Thomas asked us to imagine that we were not in a concert hall but in an orchestra pit. I do not know about the orchestra part, but I had no difficulty imagining we all were in a pit.
"That Vision Thing" started promptly at 2:37 p. m.
Merriment, of course, ensued.
President Thomas then paraded bricks, mortar, and other accomplishments. Visions of his accomplishments held the audience's attention like a
After five minutes of positive blather, President Thomas moved to the challenges ahead.
The humidity and temperature persisted. Naptime loomed.
"Can we get out from under the sword of Damocles?" President Thomas began to flash . . . his slides.
"We can hope for a miracle. And every day, I do." President Thomas warmed to his task, channeling Louis C. K.
President Thomas recalled the "Hail Mary" pass in the Orange Bowl in 1984 -- you know, the one that took place in Miami's home stadium on 23 November 1983. [Hey! He's an English PhD. It's amazing he got the decade correct.]
President Thomas concluded his bullish commentary on Puget Sound by flashing . . . three words:
Into this three-way verbal Rorschach, President Thomas then projected "Pioneering Confident Independent Creative Open." These five words or concepts, which no sane observer would apply to any schools in Tacoma, President Thomas said defined the character of Puget Sound. "Five Faces of Puget Sound" became transformed into an equation: vision = [mission + character] x time. Such precise folderol!
President Thomas next free-associated with other symbols and shibboleths. He discussed compost, sewers, and fleas, then said "... but enough about the new servery in the SUB." Stop it, Ron! You're killing us! What a wag!
By the way, President Thomas listens to KPLU. I am unsure what that has to do with what President Thomas was babbling about. However, it was provocative that Puget Sound's president listens to KPLU when he could listen to KUOW. The crowd went wild.
He mentioned Peter Wimberger's name twice, Harry Velez's name once, and Suzanne Holland's once. I forget why, which may have been the reason El Presidente did so.
He used the word "bromide." Given the content of his talk, it was a bold choice. Imagine Charles Manson calling something "twisted" or Richard Nixon saying something was "dishonest."
President Thomas also referred to many articles and reports in popular media amid his random walk squawk talk.
26 minutes into his presentation, he told us what he'd like to do today. [Pithy preface, Ron!]
Then he played a video from Stanford. I missed its point. I was checking my email and my pulse. The video roughly emulated "Tosh.0" without the nuances. I thought "Foolish Pleasures" erred on April Fools Day.
The air was even less conditioned. I was sweating. How could I follow this scintillating, stimulating, content-free, multi-media extravaganza under such duress?
President Thomas used "paradigms." He loves classics. Or perhaps he was saying the capital campaign netted a pair of dimes.
The assembled readily agreed that Stanford and Puget Sound were identical twins separated at birth. Years ago Ron showed us a clip about Dartmouth. This time St. Anford's School of and for the Rich. How does he keep finding home videos from Puget Sound doppelgangers? Maybe next year he'll offer a video touting the Sorbonne . . . untranslated, I hope.
David Magnus used to claim that 100 years hence, the conventional disciplines of the present would not exist. We all agreed then and agree now that non sequiturs make the best bases for arguments.
A whirlwind 43 minutes after he began, President Thomas threw
One attendee said that doing away with majors in favor of students' declaring a "mission" seemed a revolutionary move. Another attendee said the video reframed established notions, then shocked me with "I like that." Or maybe what he said was, "I like bright, shiny objects."
Each successive comment from attendees packed more and more shibboleths into Fantasyland.
A member of the faculty lamented "googlfication" of the university.
A language professor informed the faculty that one cannot learn language without studying hard and reprogramming one's mind. Language-translating spectacles will not do the trick! Good point! I had taken that facetious remark from a student to be a mood-lightening device. I profited greatly from learning that such glasses were fictional. At this point the avatars of station identification began to seize the occasion. The professor next to me asked, "Why do faculty always begin from a defense of their own territory?" [Because they like to cater to their loves?]
Last half hour. I can endure. I can make it to the door.
Zaixin Hong actually made sense. Maybe knowing what you're talking about helps conversation! However, President Thomas instantly redirected "conversation" into a ditch, so faculty and staff could continue to brood about their/our being the problem. Good save, Ron.
A speaker offered so many generalizations that one wondered who pulled his finger.
Are we done yet?
Paging Rosemary Woods! We need a 18.5 minute gap in this program.
Is the beer available yet? Why don't we drink first, then endure the droolfest?
Multiple attendees endorsed a program much like that at Evergreen State College. The aforementioned Dr. Wimberger proclaimed that the Stanford video invoked a slick version of Evergreen State.
"Blah, blah, blah." "Reflection good"
"Blah, blah, blah." "Vocation-speak bad"
"Blah, blah, blah." "Skills vary."
"Blah, blah, blah." Word salad untranslated here
"Blah, blah, blah." Education good
"Blah, blah, blah." Employers might see this as blather. [Might?]
"Blah, blah, blah." Run out the clock! Four-corner offense!
"Blah, blah, blah." "Where's the wine?"
"Blah, blah, blah." "When does the concert start? Who's the warm-up group?"
"Blah, blah, blah." Merciful Jesus! Let us out of this oven!
"Blah, blah, blah." There must be a way out of here!
"Blah, blah, blah." Fantasyland University?
"Blah, blah, blah." Will this affect my salary?
"Blah, blah, blah." We almost made it out with no one bringing up the KIP/KNOW requirement.
Where is the food and drink?
The video did not comment on grades K-12! [Nor did it refer to the Albigensian Heresy!]
Diploma Mill Good!
6 comments:
One note, Wild. Where you wrote "There must be a way ou of here," you should have and could have written: "There must be some kinda way out of here." "Said the joker to the theif," optional. Reference?
"All Along the Watchtower" has multiple connections to the Fall Faculty Diversion. Good catch.
It's perpetually puzzling why he has maintained the practice of "the conversation," among the most grotesque inventions of his predecessor. Someone needs to shout, "We don't have to do this anymore." Great report, by the way.
I agree.
Each year this president retraces the liturgy of Susan PieRce. She held "conversations" at which faculty [and maybe staff] listened to her or to her appointed spokespeople. The Fall Faculty Conversation is an opportunity for staff and faculty to listen up. No one could disguise this obsolete rite as a conversation. At best it is an acid rap. Speaking of which, an expedient is now legal. Let's smoke up first and watch sophomoric videos later.
I remember the sham & waste of time... wish I didn't! Students who don't even know about some fields of study are hardly in a position to choose "visions" wisely, leaving them vulnerable to the prima donnas & poseurs who pack the palace. Such posturing. Such a waste of valuable faculty & staff time. Blah.
Cannot disagree. Even with President Thomas frittering away the staff's and faculty's time and attention, some usual suspects found ample opportunities for station identification.
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